FAT BOTTOMED GIRLS AND THE ROCKIN’ WORLD:
AN EXAMINATION OF A CLOSE RELATIONSHIP
ABSTRACT
(See also: rebuttal)
This paper will evaluate Freddie Mercury’s assertion that “fat-bottomed girls…make the rockin’ world go ’round” by examining the origins and disposition of the relationship between fat-bottomed girls and the rockin’ world. Do fat-bottomed girls necessarily make the rockin’ world go ’round? Is the rockin’ world made to go ’round only by fat-bottomed girls, or are girls who lack fat bottoms also able to make the rockin’ world go ’round? What makes the rotation of the rockin’ world beholden in particular to the presence fat-bottomed girls?
To answer these questions, it will be necessary to examine the very nature of the rockin’ world: is it separate from the non-rockin’ world? We find that cataclysmic geological and astronomical events would transpire if the rockin’ world and the non-rockin’ world rotated at different rates.
We can infer that, because the rockin’ world cannot possibly be physically separate from the non-rockin’ world, any force instrumental in the rotation of the rockin’ world would of necessity be similarly instrumental in the rotation of the non-rockin’ world. Science has, over the last four hundred years, determined that the world, rockin’ and otherwise, rotates at the mercy of a number of physical forces as part of a deterministic system, and that this system behaves the same way regardless of the presence of fat-bottom girls. We must therefore conclude that Freddie Mercury’s assertion is flawed. Some concession may, however, be made for rhetorical hyperbole, and it has been established that the participation of fat-bottomed girls in the creative process of rock music is a material benefit enjoyed by those who have acheived success in the rockin’ world.